Prevaricate Not

For whatever reason here lately, I find myself subject to disrespect and lies. My first thought is to dwell in the "maybe I'm doing something to deserve it space." Then, I quickly stop myself from biting the bullet on my own. If the rule we are taught as children is true, these folks are telling me to treat them like soap scum.

I hesitated to even complain aloud by blogging this, but it kept happening. In The Devil Wears Prada one old timer tells the industry insider getting to the promotion stage at work means your personal life is someplace laying in tatters. I looked at both of these in my life, and they appear to be on equal footing-each chugging along nicely. (Knock on wood)

The only conclusion I can come to is there is something to be learned from the unsolicited treatment. When I say I feel vindicated as the cause, it isn't arrogance. I know each day of my life, I do what I can to be a light to and for others. I take all opportunities I can to grow as a person in my love of people. If this is my heart... my goal... the passion of my soul, why am I being hurt?

I've heard the old folks say the one you love the most will hurt you that much and oftentimes more. There's a story my sister loves to tell about me; I was about 11 years old. At summer camp one of our crafts was a frame for a Polaroid taken there. We were given popsicle sticks, a paint pen, the picture, and a wooden heart then told to write, "I [heart] ____." At a loss for ideas because I was uncertain who the benefactor of the gem would be, I decided on, "I [heart] me." My sister laughs me out saying no one other than me would have written that.

Back then, I did love myself more than anything. Call it selfish- call it naive- I knew, somewhere, something I seem to have forgotten along the way. No matter how big your heart is, or how much you give of yourself to others, nothing is under your control except those things that are about you. So, I started on a path to be about me by making me ready to do something good for... well, everybody. When I experienced the epiphany to my career path, things about me changed. Though I still loved me, I loved me for the God in me though which big things... huge... could be accomplished.

Now, as I'm rolling down my road, I realize the very people I do things for... the groups of people I sacrifice things for... are all hurting the heaven out of me. Is it what the enemy wants? Of course. Can I as a person stop other people from hurting me? A past lesson taught me that answer is "no." Lucky for me, part two of the same lesson let me know I can control something... I can not let what other people do (or don't do) hurt me. Turmoil at work is small stuff in the big scheme of things. Unrest in relationships-small stuff. Me not letting the small stuff get to me... priceless.